The Weight of the World
by EmmaCurle
Summary: J/C Janeway must make the toughest decision of her life.
1. Sacrifice

Star Trek: Voyager.

Title: The Weight of the World.

Author: Emma Curle

Pairing: Janeway/Chakotay

_Please read and review._

_Chapter One: Sacrifice_

[The Delta Quadrant, 2370]

_"The self-destruct program has been damaged. Now this installation will not be destroyed. But it must be. The Kazon must not be allowed to gain control of it. They will annihilate the Ocampa." _

The only words that could be used to describe this caretaker was a giant, shrinking blob. A blob that had turned into a stone. Janeway bent down towards it and carefully picked it up. Literally and figuratively feeling the weight of the stone.

What was she supposed to do?

"Shall I activate the program to get us back?" Tuvok asked, towering above her. The Vulcan was calm, and although Janeway appeared to be calm on the outside- inside, she was shaking.

Janeway felt herself take a deep breath, but she wasn't sure whether she'd thought it or actually done it. "And what happens to the Ocampa after we're gone?"

"Captain. Any action we take to protect the Ocampa would affect the balance of power in this system. The Prime Directive would seem to apply." He told her.

"Would it?" She asked, staring at the caretakers remains. Studying it intensely. "We never asked to be involved, Tuvok. But we are."

_Sacrifice. _

It wasn't fair to abandon the Ocampa just to satisfy their need to get home. Her heart ached. "We are."

In that instance a decision was made. The Ocampa were innocent, and she would protect them at all costs. It felt surreal, as she crouched on the floor and held the dead rock of an alien being who had brought more misery than joy throughout his life- no one would mourn his loss, not even the people of Ocampa. But here she was, wishing he was still alive. If only so she didn't have to make this decision that she knew she'd regret- no matter which road she took, she'd knew that she would look back with guilt and sadness.

But it was about sacrifice- and she couldn't ask the Ocampan people to make this one.

[Seven Years Later]

_The time is now 0600 hours. _

The unwelcome, metalic voice spoke with an intense volume as the lights switched on. Kathryn Janeway winced as she pulled the bed covers up to envelope her head; mumbling to herself, wanting nothing more than to stay asleep.

Janeway didn't stand a chance- not only did the burden of command mean that she had to wake up, she also felt the dreaded nausea hit her like a strong tidal wave. This caused her to sit bolt up right and rush towards the bathoom.

It was an unexpected drawback that made her late for her duty shift on the bridge that morning. A tardiness that was so unlike the Captain that it was becoming to be habit, and causing a few heads to notice whenever she did turn up. Janeway never acknowledged it, however- she didn't want to. She couldn't. The moment she did was the moment she admitted that something was wrong. And there was no way that Kathryn Janeway would ever do that.

This is why she now sat on the bridge with confidence, despite the fatigue and the nausea. It was time for coffee- that had to be enough to perk her day right up. Janeway stood up and smirked towards her first officer, "I'll be in my ready room."

Chakotay nodded, her knew her well enough to know that a caffiene fix was where she was headed. He also knew she was feeling under the weather, and it concerned him. His best friend and Captain obviously wasn't well, of course it concerned him. He just wasn't sure how to approach the subject with her.

------------------------

Janeway made her order and her coffee appeared out of thin air. Gratefully she picked it up and took a sip- a sigh of relief and pleasure at the familiar taste. Letting it linger on her taste buds before taking another sip from the mug of joy.

One beat later and the door chimed to announce that someone wanted to gain entrance into her space. She sighed, "come in."

The doors opened to reveal Chakotay. As he walked in, he smiled at her.

Janeway raised her brow, "what can I do for you?"

"It's more of what I can do for you," he replied, with a smile that looked charming enough but it wasn't masking his obvious concern.

Janeway sat down at her desk, trying to conceal her own discomfort, "oh?"

He sighed, "you're not well." It was a fact.

"I'm perfectly fine." She told him, switching her desk-computer on.

Chakotay recognised what she was doing. "You're tired, and sick, and I think you should at least speak to the Doctor."

She looked up, quickly- too quickly. "I don't need to, Chakotay," it was difficult to hide how irked she was. He sensed this and backed off.

Just as he was about to say something else, they both lurched forward and the lights dimmed at the same time the red alert klaxon was activated. The exchanged a quick worried glance before rushing onto the bridge.

"Report," Janeway ordered.

"It's the Karri," Tuvok replied, "two ships."

"Again? They just can't leave us alone," Chakotay commented as the ship rocked one more time.

"I guess we made them angry," Tom Paris remarked.

"Mr Tuvok, return the favor and fire," Janeway ordered as she took to the Captain's chair once more.

Tuvok did as ordered and returned fire, disabling the lead vessel. It took a few more shots to encourage them to abandon the fight altogether.

Once they did, Janeway looked towards Chakotay with a curious expression. But it was Tom Paris who voiced it, "Anybody else getting the impression that they're after something?"

"It's almost like they're afraid to show their teeth," Chakotay commented. Janeway stood up and took a few steps forward, staring at the view screen. What was it they were after?

[11 weeks earlier]

Hushed whispers met haunting screams as Janeway felt her head explode. The cold metal pressed against her body- her uniform torn and tattered. A foul taste stuck to her mouth, and she found herself breathing heavily. Every time she tried to open her eyes she was met with a blinding light that forced her to retreat to darkness. She couldn't move, her arms and legs were secured in harsh restraints.

She felt something brush against her arm and her breathing quickened; her heart began to race. She'd felt this before.

Before the pain started.

She pressed her lips firmly together; physically and emotionally preparing herself for what was to come. She dared to open her eyes, only to find a stranger staring back down at her. He looked human enough but Kathryn Janeway knew enough to know that he wasn't from Earth. His uniform was black with a silver finish and a fierce emblem was attached to his chest- something he wore with pride.

Janeway opened her mouth but no words escaped. It was like a nightmare, she wanted to demand what was going on, she wanted to plead with them to let her go. But her voice had escaped her, she was physically incapable of uttering a sound.

He smiled at her with evil satisfaction. "What you're experiencing is the effects from the drugs we gave you. They'll wear off eventually..." He trailed off, purposely choosing that moment to look her in the eye, lowering the tortorous lamp so she could see more clearly.

She unwillingly swallowed.

[Present Day]

She had been unable to hide how grateful she'd been when Voyager had rescued her from the Karri prison. The longest two weeks of her life. Janeway had been held prisoner before- the Cardassians were usually what she'd consider her worst experience but the Karri had tortured her in ways she never would dare discuss. They'd tortured her emotionally as well as physically- she squeezed her eyes shut as the memory gripped her once more. A therapist would probably give this the label of PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - as if that would make her feel any better.

She held tightly to the coffee cup and took a steadying breath. Satisfied she was in control, she opened her eyes again and looked around her dimly lit quarters. It was late. Very late. And she was busy reading reports and going over the events of the day, preparing to do her log.

The biggest problem Voyager faced right now was the fact that the Karri were picking up the pace of their attacks- they still had a few months of their space yet to travel. Janeway, or her crew, couldn't figure out what it was the Karri were after. Yes, they were enemies, but every attack seemed to be pointless. They didn't attempt communication, they didn't seem to have an agenda... and their fire power wasn't enough to cause any lasting damage--it felt like warning shots. So, why were they bothering? What were they being warned against? A little pointless to give people a warning if they can't understand the message.

And the fact that that answer was elusive to her was nothing short of frustrating for Janeway. She slowly stood up and crossed the floor to the window- folding her arms beneath her chest.

In that moment, as she felt herself stare at a distant star, she felt a headache begin to grip her. She sighed, maybe she'd found the source of her nausea--a migraine.

Great, this was just what she needed.

------------------------------------

A brisk walk was the best cure, and a great way to start the day. Kathryn Janeway was heading towards the bridge, she looked like a woman with a mission. She _was_ a woman on a mission. Feeling refreshed after she'd finally managed to get some sleep, Janeway was determined not to be late.

That was the image Chakotay was presented with as he caught her up, having to jog to do so. "For a woman whose been late for her shifts all week, you're incredibly energetic this morning." He chuckled, with a charm that wasn't lost on her.

Janeway inwardly felt her stomach lurch- she shouldn't have had breakfast. "There must be something in Neelix's coffee this morning, what can I say?"

They reach the turbolift and he touches the keypad- he nods to her to step in first and she does so; giving him a grateful nod. Turning on her heel to face the doors, as they close she clasps her hands together behind her back.

"Come to think of it, Neelix's coffee has been tasting a little different lately," Chakotay commented; amused. He'd missed talking to her like this- the conversations were never really about anything real or important. It was the moment they dared to be flirtatious with each other.

"I'll have to ask him about it- I'd hate to think he's poisoning us all."

He chuckled, "don't let him hear you say that."

Janeway smirked at him as they reached the bridge- she stepped out and made a beeline for her chair.

She glanced round, subtly, her way of making sure everything was going well. Tom Paris was at his rightful place at the helm, making a course adjustment- and secretly winking towards B'Elana Torres. Janeway felt herself roll her eyes at the way those two were communicating, but they were married and they weren't doing anything else inappropriate, nor were they harming anyone. So she didn't say anything about it.

Seven of Nine calmly walked onto the bridge and took up her station- just in time to hear Commander Tuvok say, "Captain, three Karri warships are approaching."

Janeway felt the coffee in her stomach churn as the shock cursed through her. This was getting to be like clockwork.

_Three? _"They've upped the stakes," remarked Paris.

"Red Alert," Janeway ordered, "raise shields and prepare to open fire." Her hands gripped the arms of her seat and she crossed her legs. Tuvok entered a few commands into the computer and did as he was instructed.

As the lights dimmed, Seven said, "these ships have more efficient fire power, Captain."

Janeway looked towards Paris who swivveled round in his seat, "I guess I may have understated it a little."

Instead of firing upon Voyager, however, they took a different approach.

"They're hailing us," Harry Kim said, surprised.

Janeway exchanged a curious glance with Chakotay, "this is new," he stated. She stood up and nodded in agreement.

"On screen."

An image flicked onto the screen and Janeway stared at the face- a familiar face. "Kathryn Janeway." The way he spoke her name made her inwardly shudder.

"Have we met?" She asked, covering up her discomfort. He had a cruel, aged face that looked like it had seen a hundred wars.

There was a slight smirk on his face as she spoke, "You were probably semi-conscious." That gave her the answer she needed, and she was eager to move past that- especially given that they were on the bridge, surrounded by her officers. She kept her chin up. The dread, the fear, the pain; it was all wiped from her face as quickly as it appeared. It was Chakotay who looked down towards his knees and allowed himself to feel the emotion she repressed.

"Why these constant attacks on my ship?" She demanded.

"We can't allow you to leave our space." He told her. Chakotay stood up and joined his Captain, wearing an incredulous expression on his face. This was a new one- usually the aliens didn't want them in their space.

"And why is that?" She crossed her arms, feeling impatient.

"I'll put it this way- you have something we need."

Janeway frowned at the cryptic statement. Chakotay took the diplomatic stance, "then let's trade. Surely we can come to some kind of understanding. There's no need for us to fight."

"I don't think you'll be quite so willing to make this trade."

"How can you be sure?" Janeway asked. "Let's meet--we can negotiate." Despite her intense hatred for this species, she couldn't let her own personal feelings put her crew in jeopardy. If there was a diplomatic out, she would take it.

"Fine," he leaned forward, "I'll transport over to your ship."

The communication link terminated and his image disappeared from the screen. Although she felt trepidation at the looming discussion with the Karri, she was relieved that his face was no longer on the view screen.

------------------------------------------

The atmosphere was intense and thick. It could've been cut with a low-setting phaser rifle. The senior crew members were sat around the briefing room table- two Karri representatives were at the very end, in what could only be describing as a staring contest with Captain Janeway.

Neelix glanced between Janeway and the Karri, resisting the urge to gulp.

"I think," Chakotay started, diplomatically, "we would be prepared to meet your needs in a variety of ways- we have medical, food supplies--"

The Karri soldier raised his gloved hand and raised his brow, "--No, those are not required." He never took his eyes of Captain Janeway. To Janeway it felt like he was trying to stare into her soul, and she didn't dare blink or look away in fear of him gaining access.

"Well, whatever it is you need, the Voyager crew are always willing to help." Neelix said, his voice filled with admiration and pride for his crewmates.

The look of pure disgust on the man's face was not misunderstood. Seven of Nine raised her brow and looked over at the cheerful Talaxian.

Janeway folded her hands on the table, she knew she had to speak. But her the tone of her voice was deadly, "What is it that you need?"

"You have something that belongs to us." He stated, not taking his eyes off Janeway.

"You are accusing us of theft?" Tuvok asked, stoicly calm.

The man smirked, "No, not at all. But you," he pointed at Janeway, "have something that belongs to us and you can't leave our territory until it is returned to us."

Janeway cleared her throat, and stood up. Placing her hands on the cold surface of the table, "Just what is it, exactly, that I have that belongs to the Karri?" She tried to hide how irritated and angry she felt but she failed. How dare they come onto her ship and accuse her of theft, when they had been the ones who had kidnapped her all those weeks ago.

"You mean to tell me," he pushed himself up to stand taller than her, "that you haven't figured it out, yet?" Janeway quickly glanced at Chakotay before returning her attention to their guest. "You must be feeling the effects by now... physically."

As Janeway began to have this sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, the Doctor allowed his presence to be known, "If you're suggesting that the Captain is medically suffering from any of your barbaric-torture-techniques, I'll have you know she's in perfect health."

"We know she is, it's what made her a good candidate."

"Candidate for what?" Chakotay asked, standing up also. It was Seven of Nine who grabbed her tricorder and calmly went to the Captain to scan her.

Janeway didn't need Seven to tell her what the scan was revealing- her gut instinct was twisting her in knots enough for her to figure it out on her own. Seven sensed this when she observed the expression on Janeway's face. She closed the tricorder and did nothing to mask her own anger at the situation.

"Oh, my God." She whispered, it was barely audible.

The Karri soldier stared at Janeway, who was still trying to wrap her mind around all of this, "the child belongs with us."

Eyes shot open, becaming incredibly wide as every member of the crew got to their feet. Not necessarily out of shock, but also feeling a strong sense that their Captain needed protection. Janeway herself was having difficulties forming a sentence, so Chakotay stepped up; having no choice but feel surprised later.

"Wait- you kidnap her, you do this to her, and now you demand that the child belongs to you?" Chakotay couldn't hide his anger, though. This was his best friend. And it seemed she was currently overwhelmed, her face had drained of colour.

"You don't understand- without this child, our race could die." He stepped round the briefing room, aiming towards Janeway but Chakotay and Seven stood in his way. "We've been trying to find a compatible species for decades. We lack the ability to reproduce, we're trying to survive."

"How has your species survived at all if you do not reproduce?" Seven asked, curiously, still on the defensive.

"We used to. Genetic manipulation has taken it's toll on our society."

"And your answer was to medically rape Captain Janeway?" The Doctor asked, incredulously. The words shot through Janeway's ears like a bullet. An emotional smack on the head. They were enough to snap her mind back into reality.

Before he could answer, Janeway stepped round Chakotay and Seven to address him, "so let me get this straight, this-" she hesitated, "baby is all that stands between you and extinction?"

"This is the first conception that has been successful in over a thousand species." He explained. He hoped to reason with her, this was important in his eyes.

"Captain?" Seven asked, concerned where this was heading. She held up her hand to stop her from continuing. Seven had no choice but step backwards.

"And just what exactly were you expecting me to do? Hand it over to you?" She was angry, there was no doubt about that. She felt violated, and somewhat humilated.

"Yes. Once you do that, you can leave our space."

"You don't seriously expect me to agree to that."

"You don't have a choice," he told her, "this child is ours."

"I'm no expert, but isn't this baby half-human?" Paris piped up.

"It doesn't matter," Janeway interrupted before his question could be answered, she was still looking directly at the Karri soldier- an deadly and icy expression on her face, "I don't know what you were thinking, but you can't possibly expect me to be okay with you performing experiments on me and then allowing you to waltz on to my ship and take this-" a pause, "-baby."

"If you attempt to keep this child from us then we will be forced to destroy your vessel."

"Really?" Janeway asked, finding it difficult to believe he'd destroy that what he needed. She grabbed the phaser from her belt and armed it, aiming it towards her lower abdomen. He looked alarmed, "are you sure about that?"

"You wouldn't--I have to say, I wouldn't have expected you to react this way." To say her crew were currently shocked and on edge would be an understatement.

"That would've been before my experience on your planet and before you impregnated me against my will. Get off my ship."

"The fire power you've experienced is nothing like what we can throw at you--"

She fiercely slapped at her comm badge, "Janeway to the transporter room- beam our guests back to their ship." She practically snarled.

"I'm pleading wi-" He disappeared in a flicker of lights, along with his colleague.

Leaving the crew to stand there gaping at each other.

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The mess hall was at its best when it was around one in the morning, the lights were on a power saving level and the crew were nowhere to be seen. Looking out at the rushing stars, it was almost like watching raindrops outside a window. Especially when one was feeling melancholy as they did so.

Janeway took a deep breath that she hoped would steady her mind but it failed. She felt like she was sinking, flailing about as she tried to keep herself afloat. This was not how she'd expected to ever get pregnant, and this felt like a no-win situation to her. Her crew were in danger, but the way to save them was to give up this innocent baby? How could she do that?

She heard the sound of the main door sliding open and she turned round to see Chakotay walking into the room, making his way toward her. He reached her and began to look out the window as well. After a few silent moments, he said, "Kathryn, how are..," he couldn't finish the question, it seemed too simple. He took a deep breath of his own, and studied her.

"-how am I doing?" She finished for him. "I don't know." She pinched the bridge of her nose.

Chakotay gave her a supportive smile, "The crew are concerned about you."

She glanced at him but said nothing. She wanted to ask if he'd meant that he was concerned but she didn't act on it.

"It's just--well, none of them are sure what's going to happen or what it is that you're gonna do."

Janeway turned to him, "I'd be impressed if they did know, Chakotay. I don't even know."

He sighed, "I know you'll make the right decision."

She sighed, deeply, rubbing her eyes and stepping away, taking a seat on the comfortable couch. "The right decision--" she let out a small, sarcastic laugh. "I'm not sure there is a right decision. And how am I supposed to decide?"

Chakotay propped himself up on the arm of the opposite seat- taking both her question and her dark appearance very seriously. "Well, I'm no expert on," he paused, "on womanhood, but isn't the right decision what's best for your baby?"

Janeway sighed, briefly closing her eyes, "Chakotay, the Karri will stop at nothing to get this -baby- and that puts this crew in grave danger. How can I willingly put everyone in that kind of jeopardy?" She stood up and began to pace. "I promised I would get this crew home, I've sworn to protect them. What kind of Captain would I be if I ignored that? It's safe to assume the Karri would look after this baby since it's apparently so precious to them." She was getting more and more aggravated by the minute; and she knew there was no way she believed that.

Chakotay looked up at her, her hand placed firmly on her hip. "Kathryn, we don't know what happened to them or why they're no longer fertile... but a species that hunts down other races to procreate can't possibly be filled with responsible parents."

He nodded, standing up to meet her face-to-face, "What they did to you was wrong. And this baby -your baby- deserves a chance, no matter how he or she came to be. You know the crew would be behind you 100 percent."

She looked out the window, stifling a tremble and trying to conceal a few unshed tears.

Of course, Chakotay sensed this. He stood back up and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. "Kathryn?" His voice was soft, and soothing.

"I can't--" She sighed, refusing to break down now, "I don't have a lot of options here, Chakotay. I don't want to put Voyager in the line of fire for me, but I just don't think I can have an abortion, and handing the baby over is out of the question..." She shrugged, "I've gotta tell you, I have considered taking the Delta Flyer and leaving Voyager-"

He quickly interrupted her, "-you know I'd stop you."

She looked down and then back up at him, "It wouldn't stop me from trying."

He gave her a smirk but before he could respond, the Doctor's voice came through loud and clear over the comm system. "Sickbay to the Captain."

Janeway sighed, smiling up at Chakotay briefly before tapping her comm badge, "Janeway here."

"Ah, I knew you'd be awake." He was too chipper for the early hours of the morning. "I would like you to report to sickbay."

"What is it?"

"I have some test results you may find interesting."

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They had barely stepped through the doors into sickbay before the Doctor immediately approached them. "Captain. Commander. I think you'll find this of interest." He led the way through his office and took them to the appropriate display screen, pressing a few keys and bringing up Janeway's test results.

An image of fetus appeared on the screen. "Firstly, Captain, you're approximately 12 weeks along with a half-human, half-karri child." She felt her heart rate increase as she heard that. She needed a moment to let that sink in.

"How come I never..." It had only just occured to her how long ago it had been; why didn't she notice?

"Captain," the Doctor started, "you are notorious for ignoring your health, and if you've only had minor symptoms you would never have noticed. If we'd waited any longer to find out, your bump would've given you away." He seemed excited.

Too excited.

"Doctor, please," the frustrated look bore into his holographic eyes, "What is it that I'm supposed to find interesting?"

"Ah. Look at this-" He changed the image on the screen slightly to show another angle, "-there's more going on here than a simple pregnancy."

Chakotay frowned, "What do you mean?"

"Please don't tell me this one of those done-in-a-couple-of-months kind of pregnancies?" Janeway asked, using her tone of voice to imply that she won't take that news very well. She needed time.

"No," The Doctor shook his head, quickly, not hiding his concern, "no, not at all. I ran some tests on the fetus, and it seems the combination of human and karri is creating some unexpected results. If I'm right, even though the gestation period could well be the usual for you, the brain is developing at a faster rate."

"So... this kid is learning?" Chakotay asked.

"Faster, much faster."

Janeway stopped listening. Her mind was racing; there was something else going on here that she didn't know about. She felt violated, like she was being used. Used for an experiment that she hadn't given permission for. A part of her even doubted the excuse about years of genetic manipulation, she couldn't believe the Karri had problems conceiving children- it seemed too easy to use that excuse

"...Captain?"

"Kathryn?"

They must have noticed her far away look. She blinked.

"Captain... ha--had you made a decision about whether you wanted to terminate?"

She hesitated.

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"Alright people, we need a plan."

Chakotay turned on his heel to look at the officers sat around the briefing room table. Everybody was there aside from Captain Janeway. Chakotay had decided to call a meeting to discuss Voyager's options.

"I assume Captain Janeway is going to carry this child to full term?" Seven of Nine asked, with her brow raised.

Chakotay simply nodded.

"That isn't a wise choice." Seven continued, "that puts Voyager in grave danger."

"Seven-"

"-As Captain she is responsible for the lives of everybody on board this ship-"

"Seven!" Chakotay raised his voice, "The Captain knows what her responsibility is, and believe me she hasn't made this decision lightly. I didn't call this briefing to discuss the wisdom behind her choice. We're here to come up with a defence for Voyager, and her."

Seven backed down, albeit reluctantly.

"Tactical has already taken extra precautions against attacks from the Karri, considering they have already being doing so since we rescued the Captain." Tuvok stated, calmly.

"It's safe to assume the Karri threat of increased power is likely to be carried out." Seven continued.

"A transport inhibitor!" Harry Kim randomly called out. They all turned to the end of the table and stared at him. "Look, it makes more sense to protect the Captain at this point... when they attack, they'll probably attack our shields till they drop--then they can beam her off this ship."

"He's right." Paris agreed, with a nod, looking back towards Chakotay. "We're going about this wrong -- no offence Tuvok -- but we need to be doing more than the usual."

"Transport inhibitors are unreliable, it's why we don't use them." B'Elanna Torres spoke up, putting her PADD down on the table as she did so.

"I could upgrade them using Borg technology." Seven suggested.

"Now this is more like it." Chakotay commented, finally allowing himself to sit down.

"So, seriously, Chakotay, she's really doing this?" Paris asked, concerned and curious.

He nodded.

"One must wonder how she plans to be both a mother and the Captain?" Tuvok thought out aloud.

"Yeah, I mean, and when she's heavily pregnant? What's she gonna do then?"

Chakotay looked directly at Tom Paris, not answering his question. "Listen, she needs our support right now. Yes, this is going to be unusual but if anybody can cope with this, it's Kathryn Janeway."

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[Four Months Later]

The rough rubble against her skin was somehow comforting. They were still alive. That comfort was short lived, however, she saw her lucky cup in several pieces on the floor and she sighed with frustration. With difficulty, she eased her body down towards the ground and picked up the pieces- groaning a little bit. Unable to move as much as she used to, but being Kathryn Janeway, she was still insistent she was just fine.

The door chimed and without a pause she instructed the caller to come in. Chakotay walked in and before the doors even closed behind him, he was holding out a hand to take her by the arm; helping her to stand back up. "Kathryn..."

"Now, don't start. I'm fine," she rolled her eyes, "Voyager on the other hand..." She gestured towards the damaged bulkhead towards the window- it was obvious the ship had been through some hard times. She placed her broken cup on her desk, and tried to stretch her back.

"We're almost out of Karri space, I believe we can make it."

Janeway snorted, "I'm not so sure, Chakotay." Chakotay inwardly rolled his eyes- hormones were giving her an increasingly annoying attitude. If it were at all possible.

The ship rocked unexpectedly, and Chakotay was forced to catch her before she fell to the floor. The familiar sound of Red Alert began and they both rushed straight onto the bridge.

"Report," Janeway ordered. Although she already knew what the situation was...

"Karri warships... Many."

...maybe she didn't. Janeway shot Tuvok a look of shock and concern. Whilst he couldn't be as emotional about this as she was, he couldn't deny he felt concern as well. Before she could even make any order to open fire, retaliate or take a defensive tactic, the ship violently rocked; knocking everyone to the ground. Forcefully taking out several unfortunate members of the crew who had stood near a console that had exploded.

"Captain, we've lost inertial dampners." B'Elana Torres informed them over the comm system.

Before Janeway could even respond to that, Tuvok diverted her attention, "Captain, there's a hull breach on deck 10."

She pulled herself up off the floor, as best she could, and dragged herself to a chair, "Mr Tuvok, return fire. Mr Paris, get us out of here."

"Yes, ma'am." Paris replied, trying to comply with her order. The Karri hit the ship with another wave of torpedoes; causing bulkheads to crash to the floor and fires to break out, not only on the bridge.

"...we've lost shields."

Tuvok's voice seemed awfully distant as Janeway felt the impact of his statement.

"...they're trying to get a lock on the Captain."

Clearly the Borg-improved transport inhibitor was doing it's job. But for how long.

"Tuvok, fire a torpedo at each ship," Chakotay ordered. And as the ship rocked one more time from a phaser blast against the hull, Janeway stood up and stared out the view screen.

_"...Captain, warp drive is offline..."_

What was she doing? Allowing these good people to suffer like this for her sake?

_"Casualty reports on all decks..."_

Allowing them to die...? She couldn't do this, she couldn't let them make that kind of sacrifice- she just wasn't worth it. They deserved better.

_"...we're sitting ducks without shields, we need to do something..."_

It was in that moment that she realised that the only thing keeping her here, keeping her crew in danger, was attached to her arm. Everything slowed down to the point where time almost stood still. She could see officers clutching to their duty with pride and dignity; protecting their Captain with honour. She could see good people suffering from painful injuries. Some of them old, most of them new.

_"...they're preparing to open fire..."_

With a look of sorrow, she caught Chakotay's eyes and held his gaze. He paused, not expecting to see the look of defeat on her face. "Kathryn?"

"Don't come after me," she swallowed, hard, blinking back the unexpected tears, "that's an order."

Before he could object, she grabbed the transport inhibitor and forcefully snapped the band, pulling it away from her arm and dropping it onto the floor. Chakotay panicked, he tried to cross the bridge to grab her but he was too late.

They'd taken her.

"Commander, they're jumping to warp!" Harry called out.

"Tom, lay in a pursuit course," Chakotay ordered.

Tom just looked up at him, "I can't, Chakotay. We don't even have impulse drive."

Before he could really take the time to focus on what had just happened, the damage reports came piling in. He stared at the transport inhibitor now lying carelessly on the floor; feeling painfully aware that she was no longer with them.

_TBC_


	2. The Silence

Star Trek Voyager

Title: The Weight of the World

Author: Emma Curle

Pairing: Janeway/Chakotay

A/N: To those I can't reply to- thank you so much for your reviews. To those concerned I may not update fast enough, I promise I will try to spin these out fast enough without ruining any of the chapters. And to anyone else who is reading this still, thank you.

_Please read and review_

_Chapter Two: The Silence_

[The Delta Quadrant, 2376]

The USS Voyager was practically in pieces; bulkheads hanging in every coridoor, rubble lining the floor of the decks, and the boots of the officers that walked over it. Emotions were frayed, they'd lost something worse than the battle. Their home was in ruins but it was the loss of their Captain that had crew morale in a state of disrepair.

As Chakotay walked down the hallway towards sickbay, sparks flying from torches trying to wield metal back together, he tried not to show an air of defeat to his crew. Now more than ever he knew that he had to show confidence- be the leader that Janeway would be. But he kept picturing the look on her face as the Karri had beamed her off of the ship; purposely placing herself in mortal danger for the lives of her crew.

He stepped into sickbay, glancing around at all the full biobeds before walking into the Doctor's office. The man facing away from him, and hunched forward so that all Chakotay could see was the dark shade of his uniform. "Doctor?" Chakotay blinked when he saw Tom Paris turn round to greet him instead. A hypospray in one hand and a coffee in the other.

"Nope, he's offline. B'Elana's got her hands full in engineering so you're stuck with me until he's back." Tom informed him, trying to hide his discomfort at being forced to become the medic... again.

Chakotay sighed, this was just what he needed- more bad news. "I'd heard that the doctor had news. You don't happen to know what that was, do you?"

Tom shrugged, "last thing I saw him working on was the Captain's pre-natal exam results. He didn't share his findings with me." Worry flickered across Chakotay's face before he quickly turned and headed for the door. Tom followed him, grabbing hold of his arm to pull him back, "you know, Chakotay, she's alive."

His words were spoken with such confidence but it wasn't enough to break through Chakotay's thick wall of doubt and fear.

He turned around. "At least until she gives birth."

"Which isn't for another few weeks," Tom countered, "giving us time to fix the ship and get her back."

Chakotay sighed, shaking his head, "she should never have allowed them to beam her off this ship in the first place." Tom was surprised by his anger toward Captain Janeway. He'd expected Chakotay to spend his time worrying and feeling utterly depressed- certainly not this.

"For what it's worth, I think she made the right decision." Tom took the risk and spoke the truth. Consequences be damned.

"What?!" Chakotay was incredulous to believe that anybody could think it was the right choice. There wasn't a bone in his body right now that truly believed that surrender had been the right course of action to take.

"She gave us time to patch up this ship, and quite frankly, each other." Tom argued, "if she hadn't, we'd all be dead right now, and you know it."

Tom didn't dare say anything else; he didn't see the need. He could see it in Chakotay's eyes that he understood, he may not believe it right now but it was clear that he saw the point he was trying to make. Chakotay didn't speak either, he took a deep breath and quickly left sickbay before any more words could be exchanged.

* * *

_Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. _

It was a calming process that seemed to work more effectively than planting a fist through a solid titanium wall. Considering that she was carrying the first child these people have produced in decades, she wasn't exactly being held in a palace. Kathryn Janeway had been given a bare-minimum cell containing one thing and one thing only; a mattress on the floor. However, she had to give them bonus points- this was a step up from a torture chamber. And she hadn't seen a living soul for days.

_Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. _

She opened her eyes and couldn't contain her disappointment at what she saw; nothing at all. It was like being stuck in a box. A dull, black, and empty box. There was a small lamp fitted into the wall that was struggling to illuminate the room to a sufficient standard. It almost served no purpose at all. Janeway figured they didn't even want her to see a way out. Not that she could've found one. She bitterly thought that they probably wouldn't even run the risk of giving her a spoon, for fear she'd shovel her way out.

But they were giving her plenty of time to think. To think about her decision, to second-guess herself now that it was too late. To think about this baby that was punching the living hell out of her internal organs. To think about Voyager. She knew, without a doubt, that Chakotay would have disregarded her order to abandon her. Strange how she felt both joy and disappointment at a decision that hadn't even been confirmed to her.

Sitting on the floor was giving her the worst backache she'd ever had- she felt like crying out from the pain. But before she even had chance to merely groan at it, the door opened for the first time in days, and a Karri soldier pointed directly at her.

"You," he looked disgusted at her, as if having to actually look at her was against his wishes and an inconvenience to him, "stand up."

Janeway raised her brow, "I would if I could- you may have to actually help me. Sorry?" She opted for sarcasm but in reality it was quite true. Although she'd never admit that she _really _needed the help. She just didn't want to cooperate.

He looked unimpressed with her. "Stand. Up." Another guard burst through the door and immediately pulled her up off the floor; certainly not gently, she felt a twang of pain in her side and she winced. She refused to let out a yelp.

As they dragged her out into the hallway, she felt a sudden fear at what was going on. Wherever they were taking her, she was fairly certain it wasn't the maternity ward.

* * *

"...and get that plasma leak under control!"

Chakotay had found himself walking into chaos. B'Elanna Torres was up to her neck in problems; the engine room looked like it had been to hell and back. He looked around at the crewman who were desperately trying to keep this ship in one piece; sleeves rolled up and dirt on their faces.

"Whatever it is, Chakotay, it's going to have to wait." B'Elanna told him, not looking up from her station. She'd spotted him out the corner of her eyes. "Unless you want to roll up your sleeves and join in, we could always use the extra hand."

"Actually, I came to get a status report," he paused, "and to lend a hand."

"A report?" She gestured toward the mess, "what you see is what you get."

"I see." Chakotay nodded, and began to pull up his sleeves. Never afraid to get his hands dirty, and he knew that now was the time when everyone was required to do more than they're own job. Of course, it's what Janeway would do, he knew that.

"Lieutenant!" The sound of alarm forced B'Elanna to forget Chakotay altogether and she rushed over to the warp core. She looked up to the higher level to see a young crewman looking down at her. The young woman looked terrified and instantly B'Elanna could see why.

A fire had broken out in one of the jeffries tubes that were adjacent to the warp core. It's victim had been a young officer who was now clinging to his friend in pure agony. Chakotay, worried, rushed up the ladder to give aid to the officer. His friend, Crewman Claire Burrows, was in a state of shock. The two of them were close, and Chakotay knew this. "It'll be okay-"

She interrupted, her voice shaking, "-transporters are offline, so is the communication system... the Doctor is offline..." He looked at her distraught face; hair plastered to her skin from the blood she'd spilled.

"We'll get him to sickbay, one way or another. Nobody else on this ship is going to die. Is that understood?" It was important that they all understood his resolve. He may want his Captain back, maybe more than anybody else on the ship, but he came to the revelation there and then that he wouldn't sacrifice any member of this crew in order to do it. They were a family, and it was now his responsibility to protect them.

She looked up at him, and slowly nodded. "Yes, sir."

Chakotay carefully picked up his injured crewmember, and with Burrows' help, they carried him out of engineering.

* * *

The relaxtion techniques she'd been rehearsing had already failed her. Stating rank and serial number a million times over hadn't done her any good the first time round, she failed to see the point in trying it again. The tingling sensation that was pulsating around her body, engulfing her in an invisible fire, was causing her and her unborn child to feel agitated and on edge. Panic mode was setting in- what were they doing to her? She refused to allow that panic to appear on her face, however, knowing they were watching her.

"Captain?" She couldn't see a face, she couldn't see the source of the voice but she recognised it. It brought a chill to her soul and she involuntarily shuddered. But she kept her game face on; staring up at the ceiling and refusing to look at him. "I'm glad to see you finally came to your senses."

She stared into space. Imagined herself back at home; on Voyager, in Indiana.

"You've created more trouble for me than I needed, Captain." He told her, impatient with her lack of cooperation. "8 months we've used valuable resources trying to capture you."

"I'm glad to have been such a burden to you." She finally spoke up, not looking away from that one spot on the ceiling that had never been touched, cleaned or otherwise. Her body, however, wasn't playing along and she felt herself jolt suddenly. Whatever was causing the odd sensation all over her skin, was starting to creep it's way up her spine.

"This child will make all of that worth it." He leered at her, "thank you for bringing him back to us."

_Him?_ She paused. She'd never asked about the gender of the baby- she'd spent the entire time trying to keep herself and her crew alive. Not once had she tried to think about what would happen after the baby was born, nothing beyond the health and safety aspects. Janeway had simply set her sights for the edge of Karri territory.

She closed her eyes for a brief moment and then looked over at him, "out of curiosity, just what were you planning to do once he was born? One baby is hardly going to save an entire species from extinction."

He regarded her with a hateful expression, he didn't care for her at all. "What are you talking about?" Janeway swallowed, hard, because as of this moment her suspicions had been confirmed- this was never about the survival of their race. "The Karri are the strongest they have ever been," his pride would have been heartwarming had it not come from someone so evil and viscious. "This boy is simply the next step."

"The next step into what?" Janeway asked, struggling against her restraints.

The look he gave her was one that made her blood go cold. The hatred flashed in his eyes; a deadly stare that pierced into her soul. But that wasn't what frightened her. It was the fact that she knew he wasn't going to tell her. Suddenly overwhelmed with the need to get out of there, she tried to free her arms and legs.

Using up all of her concentration in her attempt her escape, she failed to notice several new faces around her. At least until one of them held up a medical instrument that was attached to a large needle; it was something she recognised.

Panic welled up inside her that she just couldn't control; unsure whether she'd imagined herself screaming or if she'd actually done so out loud, but it was the last thing she remembered before everything faded away into darkness.

* * *

[Three Days Later]

Sometimes the worst thing about asking a question is that you know you'll never get the answer. Resigning herself to that fact, she'd stopped asking. Not because she didn't want to know, but because her persistence wouldn't change anything. And even if they did tell her, it still wouldn't change anything.

After having woken up in a new cell -- she'd been upgraded -- she'd come to the rapid conclusion that she needed to escape. Not for her life, but for the life of her unborn child. No longer restrained by her duty to Voyager, she realised that she had bonded with this baby, and that she couldn't let anything happen to him. Unsure what plans they had in store, she knew she had to find a way out of there as soon as possible.

This was the reason why she'd been grateful for the move. She wasn't sure why they'd even bothered, perhaps they'd realised that they had some time to wait, but she knew that she stood a better chance here than she did before. For the simple fact that in here they checked on her regularly and brought her meals.

Using her Starfleet training, she'd been timing those checks. She just hoped her training would be enough. If not- there were windows... unfortunately smashing her way out of one would end in an untimely death after a rather long fall to the ground. But it had given her the chance to get a better view of their world. It wasn't the view of paradise that people would gladly pay for. From what she could see, it was an H-Class planet; a desert with nothing but weathered buildings that she could imagine had been part of a grand metropolis centuries ago.

Taking a deep breath, she stared out the window.

* * *

At the same time that Kathryn Janeway planned her own escape, her crew were currently caught in their own attempts to plot something of a rescue. It wasn't exactly going according to plan and they weren't even off the drawing board yet. "This is ridiculous!" B'Elanna growled, "we're weeks away from the Karri homeworld, and it still isn't enough time."

"Never mind the fact that the Captain is barely weeks away from giving birth," the Doctor reminded them.

"I need more time, Chakotay..." B'Elanna told him, as he glanced out the window.

"-you don't have it."

"Then we'll never get her back." She grimly told him with honesty.

He sighed. This was getting them nowhere. Chakotay firmly believed that the moment she squeezed out their precious child, they would kill her. There was a clock ticking against them, and it resounded in his ears as a constant reminder of the impending doom.

Before Chakotay could voice that, Tuvok spoke up for him, "if we do not find a way to rescue the Captain before she brings that child into this world, then she will die." His blunt Vulcan honesty was sharper than they'd wanted or needed.

His words almost echoed around the room in the deadly silence that followed them. They each avoided eye contact with the others- none of them wanted to face the reality that they were inches away from failing to rescue their Captain before being given the chance to try.

"What about the Delta Flyer?" Tom spoke up. He'd been relatively quiet for the whole briefing- listen to them bicker back and forth, he'd offered his opinion every now and again but it had done little good.

Until now.

"We could send a rescue team on the flyer. Instead of focusing on Voyager, how about we work with the one ship we have that still has warp?" Tom continued.

Before Chakotay even had time to agree to this suggestion, the crew were already on their feet and heading out the door.

* * *

_It didn't feel right._

There was a distinct feeling of unease as he stood in the ready room -- her ready room -- and looked out towards the stars. He couldn't bring himself to sit in her chair, or order a drink from her replicator. On some level, he knew that he was being more than a little ridiculous. He'd been in here many times, but this was her space and he preferred it when he shared it with her. He longed for this to have been a dream; he wished this was one of his lucid dreams and that a moon would appear in the reflection on the window. He traced the back of his hand before shaking his head and squeezing his eyes closed.

The unwelcome chime from the door invaded his mind and he had no choice but insist they come in. Seven of Nine walked into the room with the same air of confidence that she always portrayed. "Commander," she started, "I have the progress report on the upgrades to the Delta Flyer."

He paused before turning to look at her, "just give me the bottom line- is she good to go?"

Seven nodded. "Yes," she told him.

"I'll lead the away team-" he stopped when he noticed the odd expression on her face. "What is it?"

"Since Captain Janeway is not aboard this ship, is it not protocol for this mission to be lead by Commander Tuvok now that you are in command of Voyager?"

"I suppose it is," Chakotay told her, "but I'm going."

"May I speak freely?" Seven asked, although judging from the look on her face the chances of her accepting a negative response looked pretty minimal. Chakotay nodded. "You're allowing your personal feelings for Captain Janeway to cloud your judgement."

He felt himself become tense at her statement, his body rigid, but he matched her stare, "my _personal feelings _have nothing to do with you or my decision to command the away team."

"Don't they? You seem to believe that you have to command this mission, when you know that Commander Tuvok is just as capable. It is your place to remain on Voyager, with this crew. If your personal feelings were not an issue, you would see that." She told him, punctuating her words carefully. "Captain Janeway would-"

Chakotay stepped forward and stared at her, "Captain Janeway lead the mission to rescue you from the Borg- despite the fact that it's _protocol_ for her to remain on Voyager in a dangerous situation."

Seven, although aware of the aggressive tone in his voice, didn't back down- she believed she was right. "You're comparing your feeling toward the Captain to the way she feels toward me?"

"Seven, I don't-"

"You may be in denial of what you feel, but it's obvious to the rest of this crew. Your clouded judgement will put this mission at risk and further jeopardise the Captain's life. Your place is on Voyager."

Chakotay shot her the death glare- one he'd seen Kathryn Janeway use many times. He emulated it now in the hopes that it would deter her from continuing this conversation. He knew she meant well, but she was wrong.

She was wrong...

* * *

Days had quickly turned into weeks. She felt like time was against her. As if it was actually moving at a faster pace, although she knew that wasn't the case. Too much time clicking her heels and twiddling her thumbs. The baby had long since 'dropped' and she knew it was a matter of time.

They had constantly moved her around, changing the schedule and alternating between where she slept. The only way to do this would be by crossing her fingers and hoping for the best. Of course, not everything went to plan and after she had formulated a few ideas she'd opted for Plan B.

Plan B always worked. Everytime.

It was a logic she hoped wouldn't fail her.

But as she lowered herself onto the bed, gripped the blanket with one hand and grasped at her protuding belly with the other, she had this distinct feeling that something was going to go wrong. She let out a cry of pain and buried her face into the blankets.

The door burst open and the guard stood next to her, studying her. She took several deep breaths and looked up at him before crying out again. The moment he realised what was wrong, he took another step forward. He had to let his superiors know that the child was coming, so he reached for his communication device that was attached to his belt.

Without any warning, he felt a variation of her pain in his own abdomen as her doubled fist then elbow collided into him with full force. She grabbed his weapon and fired it without hesitation. He dropped to the floor like a dead weight. That had been surprisingly easy- although that thought was short lived, since this had not been her first attempt.

She had hoped to have faked those pains, but there was a distant promise of them being real soon enough. She realised that when she rushed down the coridoor and felt a twinge in her side.

Janeway ignored it, however, and continued to move as quickly as she could. It looked different out in the hall than it did in her own little cell. The walls had a blue colour to them, the floor had an interesting shade of red, but that wasn't what she noticed. It was the distinct lack of people that she became aware of.

Both suspicious and relieved, she carried on walking in the hopes she was going the right way.

* * *

"Does anybody have a deck of cards...?"

Harry Kim looked like a man who was minutes away from putting toothpicks inbetween his eyelids to keep them open. "Anyone?" He looked around the cockpit of the Flyer; Seven of Nine, Tom, the Doctor and Chakotay all regarded him with the same, bored expression.

"We're still one day away from the Karri homeworld..." Harry buried his face in his hands.

"Ensign Kim, you were aware that it would take time to reach our destination. You should have prepared your own distractions ahead of time." Seven told him, with a raised brow.

"Yeah, Harry." Tom said, keeping his eye on the controls.

"I didn't--I didn't think about that at the time." Now he wished that he had because all he could do was think about the Captain and imagine all kinds of scenarios that left a sour taste in his mouth.

Tom shot him a sympathetic look.

"I would suggest that you read, Ensign Kim, and not dwell on Captain Janeway," Seven told him, as if he had read his mind. "It serves little purpose."

Harry nodded, he knew what they were saying and he agreed with them. But he couldn't get the image of her dead body out of his mind.

"Seven, that sounds so heartless." The Doctor stated, surprised.

She looked towards the Doctor and then back to the controls in front of her, pushing a few buttons, "if I were to dwell on Captain Janeway, I would find it difficult to concentrate on my work. I was simply offering Ensign Kim some advice."

A lot of questions raced through their minds but the one that stood out beyond all others- was she still alive? Was it right for them to dare to hope otherwise? There was a silence that filled the Flyer. It wasn't the uncomfortable kind, they each wanted to be left alone to their own thoughts.

Well- almost.

"So, about that deck of cards?"

-----------------


End file.
